Over the course of a few short year the two had become best friends. The two had shared thoughts and emotions they never share with the rest of the world. It was undeniable their souls were connected by their truths, their fears, and an undefinable love the shadowed their own significance. Through countless late night conversations they learned they are not alone. When their thoughts intertwined he felt the magic. Instantly they both recognized each other’s perfect imperfections. Selfless and pure it was definitely true love, and because of this impossible truth he could never feel anger or regret knowing her name. Looking back he could find no fault in her love. Looking back he could never feel anything except grateful for that warm summer night they met, the night he first spoke her name, it was only two syllables but as soon as that beautiful word left his lips his existence suddenly had meaning. Despite all the profound moments, despite all the intimate understandings, a part of his heart knew his desires were hopeless, and he knew could not blame anyone for the mess his heart had become. He had no reason to believe he could fight the stars, no one ever said he had chance, but this love he felt when he looked at her knew no fear. From the beginning she said it wasn’t there, and he had no reason to doubt. In fact he always knew he was running towards the fire and his desires were impossible at best. He couldn’t tell you if it was bravery or foolishness to try to love a heart like hers. Maybe it was that foolish heart that convinced him, maybe it was his blind love that said he might actually be good enough to be the reason her heart beat. Despite all the pain when he looks back he still feels no regret, honestly the only thing that ever scared him more than being so far away from heaven is being close, being able to feel her heart beat next to his was a terrifying thought. He knew this blindness offered its own salvation, he knew if he held her the way he wanted, even just once, he could never turn back. If he was able to know the beauty of waking up with her in his arms he would be crushed into oblivion. If you never know what pure happiness feels like how could you ever truly miss it. To him it was all a dream, and all though this dream was pure agony, it was far less than that fall from heaven would be if he ever lost her. He knew he would never know what is like for her to hurt for him. He couldn’t barely imagine what it feels like for her to need him. His name will never make her dream, not the way hers does for him. Still he wish he knew why his heart needs to love her, he wish he knew why he had to understand her pain. During the long nights all he could think was, “Why did the universe give him this useless heart?” He didn’t look for this, it found him. Why was this love instant? Nothing was easier or ever felt more true that this love. He wondered why she needed him to admit it was lie. “Was it a lie?”, he thought. “Do my eyes lie?”, he would wonder. He tried to stop it, he tried a thousand times, but nothing felt more unnatural than not loving her the only way he knew how. He tried to let her go, but it was exhausting to pretend he was not who he was. An invisible force he never understood always pulled him back. Without any effort without any thought he would float back to her. She never lied, her actions, her words never gave him false hope. She wanted his heart to break so he could move on, and trust me so did he. He would pray every night to his heart to stop working. If it broke then at least he might see the shadows she speaks of, and maybe he would stop seeing the perfection she brought to his world. Still he always knew letting go was never a solution to his plight, she didn’t understand letting go carried with it its own hazard. Letting go, admitting that his heart lies and his eyes are useless would damage his soul beyond repair. It would kill the spark that fuels his passion. This is what she wants, this is what she thinks he needs, but this would be a lie he would never believe. He can’t stop seeing her for what she is, what she has always been, and what she is meant to be. He wish he could beg her for a chance but he loves her too much to for that. He could give into weakness, it would be so easy to plead for what he wants, but he can’t. He has never has never even tried. Doing so would bring him down to the level of all the other men that have taken selfishly from all her life. He tells himself, “Silence is the better than lies, silence is better than selfishness.” Lately silence has become his best friend. He would never be strong enough to walk away, but he know she is stronger than that. She could survive a world without him so that’s why he learned to love silence, and maybe he could survive a world without her but it would be a world without color, flat and void of any meaning. He would slip occasionally from his vow of silence, well maybe quite often, but that was still a fraction of the fire that she inspired within him. “Maybe one day things will be different, maybe one day the timing will be right, and if not this life maybe the next,” he tells himself as he falls into his bed exhausted every night. Loving in silence is exhausting if you have ever tried it, and he’s been doing it longer than he cares to remember. It sounds in insane but he loved her before they met, the only truth he had every really taken into his heart was this love he feels when he looked at her. It made him strong, it made him weak, but above all loving her made him who he always knew he should be. Maybe one day she would come to accept his love for what it is, maybe one day she’ll understand this will never change and thousand years of loneliness would do nothing to dull his love, not that this will change her heart but at least she will know he’s not blind in his desires.